Updated: Feb 17
Stephanie is a truly stunning woman. She is thin, athletic, short dark hair, attractive features. Her smile is wide and genuine and her heart is as big as they come. No wonder she attracts men like bees to honey.
You would think that she is “super lucky” with men, however the exact opposite is true.
When she came to me a few months ago, she was at the end of her rope. She was having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. She felt like “sh*t”. Viewed “herself so low”. And worst of all, she had constant suicidal thoughts.
Her 3 goals for our coaching journey together were:
1) “Get rid of this feeling of wanting to put an end to my life”
2) “Love myself - be happy with me, be at peace with myself”
3) “Be proud of myself!”
What had happened? After 3 failed marriages and multiple abusive relationships, she had just broken up with her partner of 2 and a half years. He had moved in with her during that time, and little by little had eroded her self-esteem with psychological and emotional abuse. He was a liar, a cheater and a manipulator. He had pressured her into gaining 10 kilos so that she wouldn’t look so attractive, and had even made her promise to him that if she would ever leave him “she would kill herself”…
Of course, it didn’t matter that she would agree to all his demands, he would always find a reason to get verbally and emotionally abusive… until at the end, the abuse wasn’t just verbal.. it turned physical, and not just towards her, but towards her teenage daughter too.
And that was the straw that broke the camel’s back: after all, she could put up with almost any abuse, but when her daughter was touched, her inner mama bear broke out and that’s when she found the strength to phone the police and put an end to this tormented, codependent relationship.
The question is: why had she found herself in that situation? What had caused her to accept such unacceptable behavior? Why had it been so difficult for her to leave this man? And… why had she attracted the same type of men all her life? In her own words, they were “liars, manipulators and unfaithful”.
This is exactly what we set out to find out in our session. The first thing I asked her was: “Think of a thought that causes pressure or anguish in you.” Her response was immediate: “Men. Men create anxiety in me. They are all liars and manipulators.”
And as she held that thought, she could feel her solar plexus getting “super tight”. Limiting thoughts that are strong enough always find an expression in our bodies.
We explored the first time that she had felt this feeling, held this thought. As it always happens, it had been when when she was a child. In Stephanie’s case, when she was around 7 years old.
Her dad had taken her and her sister on vacation, while her mother stayed behind. Her dad met a woman while on vacation and immediately started an affair. She could tell that this woman was nice, just like her mom, but her dad was lying to both… and manipulating Stephanie to lie in order to protect him! He had actually turned her into his accomplice. Stephanie felt very lost and confused.
This situation repeated itself many times throughout her childhood. Logically, she realized that her dad was a liar, a manipulator and a cheater. Unfortunately - and as it always happens - she associated men and love with someone who lies, manipulates and cheats.
In fact, her conclusion was: “all men are liars, manipulators and cheaters”.
And this is how our beliefs are set: we experience something in our childhood, we make a conclusion based on the limited knowledge that we have at that point in time in our lives, and we carry this belief unchecked for the rest of our lives!
Now, think about this: if Stephanie had this belief, what type of men would she experience in her life? Only liars, manipulators, and cheaters!
Actually, if a perfectly good, faithful man would have shown up in her life, she wouldn’t even have been attracted to him! The faithful, honest men were below her radar! And even if she noticed them, she did not associate that behavior with love.
Our mental maps create our lives 100% of the time. The universe is made up entirely of energy and energy is completely and utterly malleable. How we mold it is a directly extension of the beliefs and associations that make up our mental maps.
Stephanie could uncover her hidden mental map. Do you know what yours is?
Everyone’s subconscious mental map is different. When you figure yours out, your life immediately changes.
In Stephanie’s case, once she understood exactly where her beliefs about men sprang from and we worked on replacing them, her inner voice now told her: “There are plenty of 'kind gentlemen' in the world. But for now, I will focus on loving myself.”
“You shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free”.
Dear reader, the reason why you may be attracting liars, cheaters or abusive men may differ from that of Stephanie's. But one thing is for sure: once you clear that blockage, you will attract a different type of man.
If you need help with that - or any other road block - book an appointment with me here: https://www.emotional-strength.com/appointment
To vibrant, beautiful, powerful new you!