As an expert in teaching women who are “too nice” become kick-ass, I’m constantly confronted with all the different ways that women sabotage ourselves from having the fulfilling relationship we crave so much.
While there are a million different stories because we are all unique, there are however clear patterns that come up over and over again. Here is the biggest mistake of all:
We don’t know our value!
When we don’t know our value, we accept deplorable behavior from other people. It could be a boyfriend, a husband, a boss, a colleague… whoever it is, they feel they have the freedom to disrespect us in all sorts of ways: asking too much from us, dismissing our requests, mocking us, ignoring our wishes, not apologizing to us, not being courteous.. or outright belittling us or treating us with contempt.
We accept this because we think this is normal. We probably grew up in a home where our feelings were not taken into account, our wishes were not validated, and where we got used to putting everyone else before ourselves.
We accept this because we are afraid of the other person's reaction. We fear them throwing a tempter tantrum, yelling at us, distancing them from us or taking revenge on us.
We accept this because when we dare to ask for what we want, or make demands, or exercise our rights, we feel guilty.
We accept this because we think that putting ourselves last is being a "good Christian" or a "good person" or a "good girl".
But there is hope!
When we finally discover our value, our ENTIRE life changes.
Because.... If I am aware of my value:
- I will only be attracted to men who treat me properly
- I will automatically gravitate towards people who respect me
- I won't hesitate to leave people who don't treat me right
- I will become very clear as to what I want
- I will create the relationship that I truly want
- I will become a great negotiator
How can I value myself, you might ask? These are the most effective ways that I have found through my work:
- to heal your childhood wounds, precisely the ones that created the false beliefs in you
- to take responsibility for your emotional state and stop taking responsibility for those of others
- to stop "throwing your pearls to the pigs"
- to get rid of toxic people in your life
- to identify disrespect and other forms or abuse
- to find your voice
- to believe unapologetically in yourself!
You are a lot more beautiful, accomplished and lovable than you think you are!! And the more you can see it, the more you will embody it!!